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"The Legendary Sucker" (Part 2 of 5) by uchiha-fan
by uchiha_fan (uchiha_fan)
at September 15th, 2008 (02:05 pm)

Current location: Lounging.
Current mood: annoyed
Current song: "Never Ending Story" - Limahl

Title: "The Legendary Sucker" (Part 2 of 5)
Author: uchiha_fan 
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: R
Genre: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Jiraiya X Naruto, Tsunade X Sakura
Warning: shota-con
Summary: When you train with the Legendary Sannin, one bet always leads to another.
Wordcount: 1,792
Author's Note: Written as a gift for dunlunicor.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, but I don't know how much he really wants it after I've had my way with it.

Not even the ramen tastes the same... thought Naruto glumly, swirling the noodles around his chopsticks as he slowly lost his appetite. Only a few weeks had passed since Naruto had sat in that same seat in Ichiraku, arguing with Jiraiya about Sasuke. Talking about him like there was nothing wrong. Everything had changed, since then.

Kiba and Akamaru were both walking again and were due to start training in a few days. Chouji and Neji would be released from the hospital soon. Lee was training tirelessly once again. Kakashi was almost always busy with one S-class mission or another. Even Naruto was accepting B, C, and D missions without complaint.

And Sasuke was gone.

On top of that, Sakura might as well have left the village, too, for all he had seen of her. He'd heard that she had persuaded Lady Tsunade to take her on as an apprentice, but wasn't this a little excessive? Naruto had been to her house twice to see how she was handling what Sasuke had done and if she was as overworked as he was, but her mother apparently hadn't seen much of her, either.

Finally, when Naruto had a day off from his missions, she was nowhere to be found. For as little down-time as Naruto had ever enjoyed with his teammates, he was starting to miss it really badly. It didn't seem like very long ago that he and Sasuke and Sakura had all come to Ichiraku together and made one of their many unsuccessful attempts at getting Kakashi's mask off.

He had only taken a few bites of his ramen, but he was thinking about just paying and leaving. No point in sitting there with no one to talk to.

Just as he was digging for Gama-chan, he heard a familiar voice behind him. “Naruto!”

Naruto turned around, looking more relieved than was really necessary. “Sakura! Where the heck have you been? Is the old hag trying to work you to death?”

Sakura pressed a finger to her lips, her eyes wide as saucers. “Naruto, you have to stop calling her that now that she's the Hokage! She's stressed lately – you have no idea what she could do to you...” she said, her voice weak with genuine fear. She smiled ruefully. “She does keep me busy.”

“Yeah, well, at least your mentor will train you at all! Mine won't even – hey! Wait a minute!” Naruto said, pointing an accusatory finger at his old teammate. “If you're so busy, how do you have time to come and sit around at Ichiraku? You haven't even bothered talking to me since I got out of the hospital!”

“Actually, I'm here on business,” said Sakura glumly, holding up a long list. “Lady Hokage and Shizune sent me out to grab lunch for them, and with all the people that work for the Hokage, you can't get out the door without ten other people shouting orders at you and shoving money at you. Some don't even shove money at you...” she sighed, handing the cook the list.

“Well, you can at least talk to me while you wait! That order looks like it'll take a while. Hey what happened?” Naruto asked. There was a bandage on Sakura's extended hand.

Sakura jerked it back quickly. “Oh, it's nothing.” Finally, she gave in and sat down next to Naruto, her shoulders slumping tiredly. “So, how's your training going? Not too well, by the sound of it...”

“Hmph,” Naruto scoffed, finally tucking into his lukewarm bowl of ramen. “Legendary Sannin my butt! That old man's nothing but a joke. All he thinks about is women and his stupid books and peeking at girls in the bathhouse. What kind of shinobi does that stuff? And when he isn't doing any of that, he's acting all serious about finding the Akatsuki.” Naruto didn't notice his slip, but Sakura had already acquired her own information on the Akatsuki, and didn't draw attention to it. “He's supposed to be training me, but most of the time I can't even find him, unless he wants something from me.”

“Lady Tsunade is a really good teacher,” said Sakura.

Even Naruto could hear how automatic her reply was. He gave her a little half-smile. “Come on, Sakura-chan. Let it out.”

(Earlier that day...)

Sakura liked to think she was pretty tough. She liked to think she was a lot of things – tough, smart, kind of pretty, now that she was outgrowing her boyish build. But when Tsunade woke her up that morning, before the sun was up, and said, “Get up, kid. We're sparring,” Sakura had to admit that the slightly sadistic grin on the Hokage's face scared her.

“What?” she said groggily, rubbing her eyes. She'd stayed up until about 2:30 helping Shizune finish veritable mountains of mission paperwork.

“Up! I've had enough of you acting like a tender little flower. It's about time we toughened you up a little.”

Half an hour later, Sakura was swaying groggily on the training field, hastily dressed and hair unbrushed. Tsunade stood tall in front of her, her enormous chest unavoidable at eye-level. “I don't care what they told you about kunoichi in Academy, kid. Looking pretty, spying, arranging flowers – bullshit. You've got the same potential as any of your male friends.” She pointed to a large rock near the edge of the field. “Think you could crack that boulder with a punch?”


“Do you think anybody could?”

Sakura smiled a little. “Lee could do it.”

“Anybody else?”


Tsunade didn't wait for her to finish. She approached the rock, drew back her fist, and with barely a hint of effort showing on her face, the rock exploded with the impact of her punch. Sakura covered her head as debris flew everywhere. As the dust cleared, Sakura saw that Tsunade was pointing to a smaller rock nearby.

“Your turn.”

Sakura stood in front of the rock, wondering why exactly she was doing this. When was she ever going to need to fight a rock, in the first place? But, not wanting to disappoint her master, she punched.

“What the HELL was that?” Tsunade bellowed. “Don't pull your punch at the last second because you're afraid of the rock!”

“But you at least focused chakra in your your fist before punching-”

“You think that matters? Chakra or no chakra, doing this still takes muscle and guts, and your pretty little knuckles are still gonna hit that rock at some point, so you better start getting tough.”

Suddenly, Sakura realized how much she missed sweating over a smelly, dead fish.

“Even with medical ninjutsu, you're still going to be nothing but dead weight to your teammates unless you learn to fight.”

And there was the nerve.

So, Sakura punched the rock. Hard. More out of anger than determination, but it seemed to please Tsunade. “That's a little better!” Sakura's knuckles were bleeding and her whole arm felt the shock of the impact. Tsunade leaned down close to Sakura's ear, goading her on. “You may act like a little sweetie-pie, but you've got another side to you. A side with a really, really short temper. I'm going to teach you the value of being an angry bitch.”

Sakura could smell sake on Tsunade' breath, even this early in the morning. And it
did piss her off. Suddenly, she wanted to punch the rock again. “Keep punching, kid,” said Tsunade, turning away. “I've done my good deed for the day.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the hot springs. I'm not going to waste my rare day off holding your hand while you do basic training.”

“But Lady Tsunade, you're supposed to be helping me!”

Tsunade stopped, and in a dangerous tone, said, “Don't push my buttons, kid. I'm willing to help you every step of the way with medical ninjutsu, but a ninja – a kunoichi, especially – who can't hold her own in a battle doesn't deserve to be called a shinobi. Show me you can make some progress today, and maybe then I'll think about training you in taijutsu. But don't worry,” she smiled. “Impress me today, and in one year, Rock Lee won't stand a chance against you. I'd stake my life on it. And, by the way,” she added, her voice threatening, “don't think I won't know if you take a break. See you later!” And she was gone.

“It's just that she's got work to do as Hokage and all she does is complain about how much paperwork she has to do when all she really does is tell Shizune to do most of it, and now I'm around so Shizune just tells me to do it and all Lady Tsunade ends up doing is playing the lottery!”

Naruto had discreetly moved one seat down the bar to escape Sakura's escalating volume and pitch. That's what I get for asking, he told himself.

“And do I get thanked? No! Because that's the price I pay for being her apprentice. Granted, she has taught me some really great stuff during the sum total four hours I've managed to steal her free time from a slot machine. And even then, she's a total hard-ass! My knuckles are gone, thanks to her taijutsu training! I don't know...this just isn't what I expected from someone as great and famous as her.”

Naruto was silent for a moment, waiting to see if the storm had passed. When Sakura had taken a few deep breaths he shrugged. “So maybe our mentors have some bad habits...but think how Sasuke must feel right now! He's getting trained by a sadistic medic-nin and a pedophile body-snatcher with an extendable tongue! I mean, who knows what else that creep can extend?”

Seeing the way Sakura was looking at him, Naruto realized it was still too soon to make jokes.

“Anyway...” he said awkwardly. “It's not like we can do anything about it. I mean, come on. They're Legendary Sannin and we're just a couple of genin. Sexy jutsu was the only thing that ever got Pervy Sage's attention, and I'm sick of him trying to take her virginity. If we ever want to get trained, we need to come up with a serious strategy.”

“Got any ideas?”

Naruto scratched his head. “Uh...ideas aren't really my thing...” He paused for a moment. “But I bet I know who will...”


Posted by: kagiomiya (kagiomiya)
Posted at: September 17th, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)

Lawl. That is so you.

I enjoyed the story, especially that line. More more! -rants-

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