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***BONUS CHAPTER*** A short "side story" from "The Legendary Sucker" - by uchiha-fan
by uchiha_fan (uchiha_fan)
at September 18th, 2008 (12:32 pm)

Current location: The Cup & Chaucer Cafe
Current mood: hyper
Current song: Hands Open - Snow Patrol

Title: "The Legendary Sucker" (***BONUS CHAPTER*** Part 2.5 of 5)
Author: uchiha_fan 
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: R
Genre: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Jiraiya X Naruto, Tsunade X Sakura
Warning: shota-con
Summary: When you train with the Legendary Sannin, one bet always leads to another.
Wordcount: 5,335
Author's Note: Written as a gift for dunlunicor 
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, but I don't know how much he really wants it after I've had my way with it.

This, I imagine, is what Naruto was referring to:



"What are you gonna teach me today, Pervy Sage? Huh? What?"

"Be quiet."

"Something really cool?"

"Shut up."

"Something deadly?"

"God forbid."

"Tell me, Pervy Sage!"

"Leave me alone! I'm not teaching you anything at four-fucking-thirty in the morning, kid," said Jiraiya through his pillow, hoping that he would suffocate quickly. "Unless it's when not to bother one of the Legendary Sannin."

Jiraiya had made the mistake of telling Naruto in advance that he had something interesting to teach him. Naruto, as always, was nothing short of over-eager. So, the shouting plan hadn't worked. Good thing Naruto never gave up. He tried the pouting plan next.

"Pervy Saaage..."

"Gooo awaaay..."

"You said you'd train me today," Naruto whined.

"Yeah, but it's still yesterday night," Jiraiya whined back.

"I need to learn awesome jutsu to help me get my best friend - my only friend – back...otherwise, I'll fail him...just like you failed your friend Orochimaru. We can't just abandon out teammates, Pervy Sage!" Naruto could hear the tears in his own voice. Dang, I'm good! he thought.

"Orochimaru hates my guts and Sasuke hates yours. End of story."

"Everybody but you hates me because the Kyuubi's sealed in me."

"And I hate you because you're an annoying little snot. I'm sleeping. Goodbye."

"My parents are dead." Naruto was running out of ideas.

"Want me to kill you too?"

"You killed my mom and dad?!"

"That's definitely not what I said.”

“Then you know who killed them?”

“Why not.”

“Then why haven't you taken revenge for their lives!? The least you could do is train their son in honor of their memory...”

“Who said I even knew your parents?”

“You, just now.”

“Only...I didn't.”

“Just train me!”

Naruto was silent for a moment, waiting for a reply. Unfortunately, the moment of peace was all it took for Jiraiya to start snoring again. Drastic times... thought Naruto. Here goes nothing...


From the dainty little feet all the way up her shapely legs, her womanly hips and round bottom, beautiful, perfect waist, the breasts of every man's wildest fantasies...right up to her cute little pigtails, she was flawless. Naruto never ceased to amaze himself. He'd been working on her lately.

Gracefully, he sat down on the edge of Jiraiya's bed, naked and luminous in the moonlight, and with the light touch of a pretty fingernail, he drew the sheet down Jiraiya's broad chest, all the way down to his hip bone. He squirmed a little, but didn't wake up.

“Wake up, master Jiraiya,” he cooed softly. “It's awfully chilly, can't I crawl under the blankets with...you?” He batted his eyelashes innocently.

Jiraiya wasn't fully awake yet. “Whatever, just don't talk,” he said, lifting the corner of the blanket.

Maybe the extra weight on the bed woke Jiraiya up. Maybe it was Naruto's cold feet, shoved – as always – right between his knees.

Or it could have been the breasts shamelessly pressed to his naked back.

Yep. It was the breasts.

“Hi, there, you beautiful little lady.”

That got his attention, thought Naruto ruefully.

“Oh, you are a little chilly!” he said, barely keeping a maniacal, joyful laugh out of his voice. “Nothing like cuddling up to a big, strong shinobi to warm a little girl like you up.”

Oh, please.

“Oh, thank you, Master Jiraiya. Now that you're awake, could we please--”

“You betcha!” he exclaimed, rolling over to spoon his bedmate.


Jiraiya practically had a stroke. “Oh, you innocent little thing...good thing you found a chivalrous guy like me to teach you the ways of the world....” He rolled over faster than Mazda doing a U-turn to hug 'Naruto' to him, his huge hands covering the expanse of her back.

And that's when Naruto felt it.

Oh God, he thought frantically. It's freaking touching me! Eeew. Jiraiya had indeed pressed his warm, impressively-sized erection into Naruto's stomach. It nudged against her like it had a mind of its own. I'll just play along, I guess he though. It's not like Pervy Sage would actually try to stick it in, right?


Naruto's chakra control was gone in an instant. Just as Jiraiya slipped in, Sexy disappeared, and Naruto found himself in a very, very compromised position.

“Um, Pervy Sage...that'sinmybutt--”

And suddenly Naruto felt a little warmer on the inside. He wanted to cry.

“Ack!” he yelled. “You old quickshot!”

“Sorry, baby,” Jiraiya sighed, chuckling away a blush. “It had been a while...Wait a minute, are we having gay sex?”

“Sure are,” Naruto gritted out.

“Dammit!” Jiraiya yelled, pulling out so quickly that Naruto squeaked, “That feels gross!” He rolled off his student, clearly agitated and embarrassed. “Every time!”

“Gross, gross, gross! You put your freaking thing in my freaking butt!” Naruto yelled, grabbing a handful of conveniently located tissues and shoving them frantically between his violated butt-cheeks. “Wait, 'every time'?! What the heck is that supposed to mean?”

“None of your business, short stuff,” Jiraiya yawned. “Well, let's put our clothes on and head out to the training field, I guess.”

“Alright!” Naruto shouted. “Mission accomplished!” He thought for a second as he felt the uncomfortable squishiness leak out onto his thighs. “Well, sort of...:”


Hope you guys enjoyed yourselves! ;)


Posted by: dunlunicor (dunlunicor)
Posted at: September 18th, 2008 07:22 pm (UTC)

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